Surgery to Remove a Football

About 6 weeks ago I had a pretty major surgery.  I wanted to blog about it, not because I want sympathy, but because some of the events during my surgery were pretty funny....at least to me they are.

During one of my doctors appointments, it was discovered that I had a cyst growing on one of my ovaries.  Since this was a recurring event, and the cyst appeared to be about the size of a grapefruit (why does everyone say that?) , my  doctor decided that it would be best to remove the cyst and my ovary.  Because of the size of it, we had to go through my old c-section scar.

This is me, 6:30 am, just hopped right out of my bed at home and into the hospital bed.  No drugs yet, just saline.

After awhile the pre-op nurse came in to administer a drug which they described as having 3 strong margaritas at once.  She said it was to relax me during the pre-op stage until they put me under and that I would feel good and not remember anything.  I thought she was exaggerating.....she wasn't.

The following pictures are from my husband's phone...I do not remember him taking these:

Obviously she was not exaggerating.  I don't remember getting the cap on, nor do I remember posing for these cheesy shots.  Apparently I told my OBGYN "You are so cool.  I would love to hang out with you, but you have seen my privates too many times and that would be awkward" and I told the anesthesiologist that he was young and very handsome....I am blushing as I type this!  Hey, at least I was friendly!

I don't remember any of that and I don't remember the surgery.  I DO remember waking up as I was being wheeled out of recovery and being in A LOT of pain.  I told my nurse several times that I was in A LOT of pain....like my inscicion was on fire!!!!!  She basically told me to suck it up because I had my pain pump full of morphine and I couldn't feel any pain....uh, what?

When she tried to transfer me from my gurney to my bed I had so much pain that it knocked the wind out of me.  A half hour later, after pushing and pushing that pump full of morphine, I was still in pain.  Josh said something to the nurse and she said that I just had to wait for it to kick in....um, it's an IV full of morphine right into my bloodstream...it should not take 45 minutes to kick in.  My very paitient husband, who is always polite and kind, and almost never loses his temper, ended up going out to the nurses station and yelling at the nurse after she had not come in to check my pain.  She came in and looked at my IV and said "Oops!  I forgot to turn the IV on."...grrrrrrr.

So, I finally got my morphine and this is what happened:

ahhhhhh...notice me clutching my pain pump in my little hand.  I was knocked out and do not remember much of the next 24 hours.  I do remember waking up to loud rumbling noises I thought was a large bear or lion in my room.  I realized it was snoring...I don't normally snore.  I remember trying to dial my cell phone to call home and waking up with the phone in my hand, pressed to my forehead, with the phone number half dialed.  I also kept having dreams that I was drinking water only to wake up to realize that I was holding an imaginary cup in the air while sipping air through an imaginary straw....yeah, this is why I have never done drugs. Pretty funny.

Due to my amazing husband, my mom staying to help with the kids, and a whole lot of great friends to bring meals, coffee, and keep me company, I am about 98% recovered and doing great. Thank you everyone!!! The cyst was non -cancerous. Oh, and when we went back for my follow up appointment we were told it was not the size of a grapefruit, but actually a little larger than a football...where the heck did that thing hide???

Comments

[Kim]

Still amazed at the size. Now, I know where Jackson got his giddyness when he slurred that he loved you during his surgery ;) Totally making the moves on the doctor. Nice, Steph! :)

[Rosie Ferroggiaro]

Seriously Steph....you're not much bigger than a football yourself. I'm so glad that everything went well and it wasn't cancerous. You're doing great with your recovery....take your time girl!

[Jessica H]

What an experience! Stupid nurse. You'd think they'd double check their work immediately if someone complained. Glad everything turned out well. I'm also glad you don't have any pictures of the cyst up here! That would be pretty gross!