The Baby

“A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world. . . . But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after--oh, that’s love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she’s gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She’s the one you can’t put down.” Barbara Kingsolver -The Poisonwood Bibles

    This quote was brought to my attention by one of my friends today and I have not stopped thinking about it all day.  I cried when I read it because it's true.  I LOVE all my babies with equal ferocity.  I would carry all three of them through an Ironman Triathlon if that's what they wanted.  They all have certain quirks and traits that makes my love for them a unique love tailored to them.
    Although each one equally has my heart, I felt differently with each while when they were babies.  With my first I could not wait for her to "do this" and "do that" and go!  I flipped flash cards and drilled colors and shapes. I couldn't wait to see what she would do next.  I couldn't wait to see her grow.  My second child was whirlwind, a blur.  I had two babies at the same time.  My life was double diapers, twice the ear infections, bottles and sippy cups.  Life whizzed by and I never took the time to enjoy the baby-ness of my second child. I was just trying to survive each day as it came in a torrent of snot, poop, and baby wipes. This time just passed me by. This bring enormous guilt to my heart and tears to my eyes.
The above quote is spot on. 
    My last baby has really made me slow down. Most days it's just the two of us.  Dad goes to work and the big kids go off to school.  I spend our time together with my nose in his neck as I inhale him.  I hold him in my lap as we read the same book over and over again and I love it.  When he was an infant, I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night while he was asleep and gather him in my arms just to hold him.  Sitting in the rocker by the window, I would just drink in the plump softness of those baby cheeks. I am so afraid that this time will pass me by like it did with the others that I find myself constanly trying soak up every detail: the feel of his weight in my arms, his chubby hand in mine, his warmth, his soft baby hair on my face, his tiny voice.  I get teased by my friends because I still call him "the baby" and he's 3....but I think in my mind he will always be the baby.

Comments

[Emily Sims]

Wow!!! I feel this way and I know if we have another baby, I'll feel the same... I find myself holding my boys and kissing them and none of it is ever enough, b/c I just want to pick them back up and hug and kiss them again!!
Very well put. There is nothing quite like the love a mother has for her babies!

[thillysings]

What a fabulous quote! It brought tears to my eyes.

[Kim]

Are you TRYING to make me cry? Because you did a great job. I loved this.

[~Reyna~]

Stephanie, this was so amazingly and beautifully put. I love knowing that there are other moms who feel the same as I do about their babies and families. I still call Kaleb "the baby" and he's 4 and he will always be the baby in our family. Thank you so much for sharing. <3

[denise garibay]

oh, Steph...you know that I agree with you 110%.....I want to stop time...I say that to my kids and Frank every single day....

[~Max~]

What a beautiful narrative about your impassioned life as a mom . . . I can see, through your words, the depth of that young girl I used to know so long ago!